I am listening to my FAVORITE DJ – Ian in Club XL (106.7 Orlando)!!! LOVE this show! Had a ton of stuff to blog about, but must dance first…
Archive for December, 2010
I love the Christmas season! I am “the person” who has the tree up before Thanksgiving, the lights up outside, too! Now, I am not a lunatic, I don’t have all this done before Halloween, but usually the week before Thanksgiving…I love the lights, I love the vibe in the air, I love the holiday shows and commercials, I am a total sucker. I also hate the cold and “seasonal change of weather,” so the festivity of the holidays gets me through what otherwise might be a horrible melt down due to inability to wear shorts and tank tops over my bathing suit.
I enjoy the holiday season for many reasons, but a huge one being this is the time of year people who normally don’t think of others do try to think of others. Sometimes this thought comes in the form of a financial donation to a charity, maybe a bit of food donation, maybe the purchase of a toy for a needy child. In my home, those things happen year round. We started a tradition of having to make a gift for each of our family members. We have a big family, and lots of small children with short attention spans, so we draw names and, for example, this year my youngest child has to make a gift for his sister and his grandmother. He is 18 mos, so he will be making handprints on a canvas. My oldest daughter has to make gifts for her dad and grandfather. She spent today working on a gift for each of them, had a great time doing it, and really thought about what she was doing and why. So, today, I spent some time with my two oldest making gifts. It was so fun! WE talked about the people we were creating things for, we joked about stuff, we laughed, one of them fell off a stool, the other one dropped the roll of paper towels and laughed so hard food came out of her nose (kids LOVE that)…And, the whole time we were doing this, snow was falling outside. It was a beautiful, memorable moment I will always have. (And I usually HATE snow, because it comes with COLD.) Today was a beautiful, wonderful, heart warming day – even with wind chills of 0 degrees and not a drop of sun.
Tonight, I had one of my long term child hood dreams come true, too. Like many girls, I used to fantasize in my head about what it was going to be like when I was married and had kids. I always thought it was going to be this romantic, kids in bed, time for adults to talk, cuddle, hold each other, tell each other how special they are time…Uh huh. Not so much around here. Lots of “discussions,” huffy and demoralizing comments, laundry, dishes, crankiness, what is the ACTUAL norm, not a teenager’s fantasy for sure. We have four kids, two “other” parents, a dog, bills, neighbors, friends, family…YOu know what I mean. But tonight, I got to sit under the Christmas tree with “Shrek” on in the background and just look at the few (very few, we have a 2 1/2 yr old and an 18 month old) ornaments on the tree and smile, relax, and think…WAS SO AWESOME!!!!! Other people might dream of going to the Super Bowl, or drive a Bentley, or have millions of dollars, and those things are great. But not one of those things can warm a heart like mine was warmed today.
A great day.
(Don’t want to jinx it…so, let me add, I am grateful for the day I had today…even if it all came about because my husband had a, ummm, “Unchatergorized” dream….)
I am bored. Should be doing something…well, I am doing things, just boring things. Cooking dinner for tomorrow night’s birthday party (pulled pork), wrote Christmas/Holiday cards, waiting on the washing machine to finish so I can put the stuff in the dryer and go to bed. In the meantime, BOREDOM has set in.
Have a ton of creative ideas, but I have to stay downstairs and be quietish, as all others in the house are asleep.
Aaaarrrgh….
Have a funny, “Gift of the Magi” type story to tell my husband after the holidays. But, I am pretty sure he checks my blog sometimes, so can’t share it now.
AAAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay, I will go internet shopping. Oh, danger!
Aaron Sorkin aims, fires at ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’
Hopefully, Sarah Palin wasn’t fishing for compliments when she went caribou hunting on a recent episode of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”
In a blog on the Huffington Post yesterday, screenwriter Aaron Sorkin called the former governor of Alaska “deranged” and told TLC, which airs Palin’s reality show, that it should be ashamed of itself.
Though Palin had already said of the hunting episode, “Unless you’ve never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather couch or eaten a piece of meat, save your condemnation,” that didn’t stop Sorkin.
“Like 95% of the people I know, I don’t have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt,” he wrote. “But like absolutely everybody I know, I don’t relish the idea of torturing animals.”
More importantly, he told Palin, “I’m able to make a distinction between you and me without feeling the least bit hypocritical. I don’t watch snuff films and you make them. You weren’t killing that animal for food or shelter or even fashion, you were killing it for fun. You enjoy killing animals.”
“The Social Network” writer, who referred to Palin as a “phony pioneer girl,” also accused her of killing caribou for political gain.
“You knew there’d be a protest from PETA and you knew that would be an opportunity to hate on some people, you witless bully,” he wrote. “What a uniter you’d be – bringing the right together with the far right.”
In response, TLC told CNN that they have “no comment” to Sorkin’s post.
Post by: Mark Marino — Special to CNN
Filed under: Celebrities • television
Facing foreclosure? Call Will.i.am!
In an effort to fight his country’s current housing crisis, Will.i.am is taking the matter into his own hands.
In an interview with U.K. newspaper “The Sun,” the Black Eyed Peas frontman, born William Adams, talked about his mortgage relief program called “i.am.home.”
“I rescue families who are losing their homes because they have no jobs and they can’t pay the mortgage and the banks are foreclosing on their homes,” said the artist, who purchased a new home for his grandmother in 2009. “All the people we help are debt free, they don’t have to pay me back.”
Will.i.am cites his mother as the main source of inspiration for i.am home. “She’s supermom and also my best friend…She told me that, ‘No matter how successful you are, we are still struggling.’ It’s those kinds of things that are like an ego smack – great reminders of where you are from and where you are in the world.”
Outside of charity, the super-producer, who has sold over 28 million records worldwide with group the Black Eyed Peas, also let the Sun in on some major music news: Will.i.am’s currently producing the next album for the legendary international rock group, U2.
The man behind “My Humps” calls the collaboration a dream project and even has a few words for those who may think he’s too pop for U2.
“There’s only one type of music and that’s good music, no matter what genre it is,” he said. “Bono is one of those guys who sees it that way and there’s no right or wrong. There are no rules once you lift the veil off.”
Will even admits he’s gotten positive feedback on the new U2 disc from his celebrity peers.
“I went to Bono’s house for lunch and George Clooney and Cindy Crawford were there,” he recalled. “I played some of the songs we’d been working on together and everyone was blown away. They all left the finger food to come and hear.”
Post by: CNN VJ Gavin Godfrey
Filed under: Black Eyed Peas • Celebrities • Music
Have celebrated at least 2190 “New Year’s Eves…”
Ok, don’t ask.
The math on that is now making me have to go to bed instead of write.
I was going to write about my recent grocery shopping experience, but that seems boring now…
I could go into my day, which was incredibly informative, and interesting, but only if you are me. Otherwise, it is boring, repetitive, and totally redundant.
I could discuss Christmas shopping issues, but again, to quote myself, “booorrrrrrring.”
What does that leave me with? WEll, hmmm…
How about New Year’s Eve? There is no decent entertainment for New Year’s Eve, if you are over the age of 16. A couple of years ago, we had a New year’s party and put on Dick Clark’s Rocking New Years. So, it was hosted by Ryan Seacrest, and not one of the performers was old enough to even babysit my children, let alone attend my party…And this year, the performer, Willow Smith, is an incredibly gifted, talented child, yet is younger than our scotch. Shouldn’t all New Year’s performers be over 21? After all, it is “amateur night,” not “underage night.” I might be bitter, have “celebrated” (hold on, let me calculate the math…)
Some of the comments we are getting are very interesting, others are rather offensive and getting to be downright annoying… You know who you are.
Sex and the baby years
It’s my anniversary today and this morning my son woke up, ate breakfast and then proceeded to throw it up all over the living room floor. Somehow I don’t think my romantic date night with my wife later this evening is going to go as planned. But what else is new? If I’ve learned anything from being a parent it’s that, irrespective of my public persona as a “relationship expert,” I often don’t feel like one in my own relationship.
Like many a new father, life after baby #1 left me confused and conflicted, not to mention sleepless and, well, sexless. And just when I thought life couldn’t get any more sleepless or sexless, along came baby #2. There was a point where everything made me think of sex – one time my wife, Lisa, was reading the Dr. Seuss classic Hop on Pop to our then-toddler, Owen, and I found myself thinking, “Hey, how about this pop? Why don’t you hop on this hop?”
Let me tell you: when even Dr. Seuss makes you think of sex, that’s when things have to change!
It seems like a foregone conclusion and a sad one at that: when you have a baby, sex goes from being something that used to be spontaneous to something that goes on a to-do list. And as sex falls to the bottom of that list, relationships become increasingly vulnerable: to anger, resentment, indifference, and, yes, infidelity. No wonder a recent study from the University of Denver reports that 90 percent of new parents experience a significant decline in relationship satisfaction, or that according to a recent survey by the online magazine Baby Talk, just 24 percent of parents say they’re satisfied with their post-baby sex lives, compared with 66 percent who were happy before they had children.
At Good in Bed, we believe that sex matters. It’s the glue that binds couples together. It’s what makes us more than just friends. Without sex, lovers become roommates, and a bedroom becomes just a place to sleep in (often with a kid or two in it as well). To help new parents “babyproof” their relationships, we just published a new book, “Sex and the Baby Years,” by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson OBGYN, which (thanks to the support of K-Y Brand), we’re able to offer for free to readers through the end of the month.
I may be a sex and relationships counselor, but I’m first and foremost a guy and I know how challenging it can be to navigate the issue of sex after baby. Meanwhile my wife didn’t seem to miss sex at all. Once our sons were born, I quickly became persona non grata, or at least persona non sexual. What happened to the woman who couldn’t keep her hands off of me? In her book “Confessions of a Naughty Mommy,” my friend Heidi Raykeil writes,
“No one warned me that having a baby was like the excitement of falling in love all over again, except with someone much younger and better smelling than my husband. No one told me that for all intents and purposes, having a baby was dangerously similar to having an affair.”
Calling it an affair isn’t far off. As Freud defined it, “eros” is a life-force that motivates us to create and to love, and for many mothers, the energy that goes into doting-on, dressing, feeding, fawning and coddling a baby is a powerful expression of an intimacy that knows no bounds. Meanwhile, Dad often feels likes a third-wheel.
That’s why my No. 1 advice to dads is: DON’T GIVE UP ON SEX. It’s too easy to nurse the wounds of rejection and settle for being tuned out and turned off when you should be tuned in and turned-on. With the fight for sex, new dads actually perform a vital relationship function, which is to bring their partner back into the relationship and restore the primacy of their couple-hood: a crucial necessity if they’re to flourish and succeed as a family. As couples therapist Esther Perel says, “When the father reaches out to the mother, and the mother acknowledges him, redirecting her attention, this serves to rebalance the entire family. Time, resources, playfulness and fun are redistributed, and libido is rescued from forced retirement.”
Not too long ago I was on a plane with my kids, so I thought I better take some time to really listen to those pre-flight instructions about safety exits and flotation cushions that I normally ignore. And I was profoundly struck by a simple instruction: “In the event an oxygen masks drop down, put it on yourself first, then your children.” They instruct you to do this because you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids. Well, in our marriages we’re constantly putting our children first, to the point where we allow our relationships to suffocate and ultimately impair our ability to parent well.
So what can you do to keep sex alive throughout the baby years and beyond?
1. Get out and enjoy a regular date-night as soon as possible! I know many couples who have toddlers that are walking and talking, and even reading, and the parents still haven’t gone out together for an evening on their own.
2. Re-channel non-sexual intimacy outside the bedroom into your relationship with your spouse. Children are intimacy-sponges, but you have to save some for your partners. For example, studies show that a 30-second hug raises oxytocin levels in both men and women. Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle-hormone” and facilitates a sense of trust, so get thee to a huggery!
3. Don’t let your child sleep in your bed. Boy do I know this one all too well. Not only does it make it difficult logistically to have sex, it’s an intrusion into the much needed intimacy and separation from their kids that parents need.
4. Ladies, make an effort to rediscover your sense of sexual self-esteem. I know it’s hard to feel like your sexiest self when you’re a mom, but let the guy in your life know what he can do to support you.
5. Have sex. Seems obvious. But sometimes you just have to put yourself through the motions, and let your mind follow your body. Many new moms say they want to want sex, but they don’t. So try it, you’ll like it. Sex begets sex and if you don’t use it, you could lose it.
In the end, all parents wants their child to be happy. That’s why we do our best to give them everything: from setting up college funds to giving up our careers to stay at home with them. But ultimately, a happy child is part of a happy family, and at the heart of that happy family are two parents who are connected, loving and intimate. Becoming a parent doesn’t mean becoming selfless; it means becoming selfish about the things that really matter: like your sex life.
And remember, if you’d like more help navigating this life-change years, check out our free download of the Good in Bed Guide to Sex and the Baby Years.
Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.