fourfortytwoam.com

Exactly. Apparently the format shall change when I get a chance to do something other than take care of others 🙂 So, here’s a little story for ya, in the meantime. My 18month old son has taken to climbing a chair and then standing in the middle of the kitchen table and “dancing”. Uh huh. So many jokes, so NOT the point. Anyway, he is a stealthy little guy, nearly silent in this act of treachery, yet he is also the speediest little bugger. When the comment about “not being able to turn your back for a second!” is made, it is in reference to this little guy. So, today, my husband like person, while in a state of total nudity, caught him doing this and responded! (that is the first shocking part of the story.) He grabbed the poor little guy off the table and rushed him to time out, his own balls flying in the wind. Husbandish person was serious – he meant it! What a dangerous thing to do! What a naughty thing to do! How dare he not listen! In the meantime, I am laughing so hard I can barely stand. I mention this for a couple of reasons. One, if my son turns out to fear naked people, not my fault. If my son ends up with penis issues, not my fault. It, no matter what happens form now on, will be forever his father’s fault! Woo Hoo! Hall pass for me!
Then, here is point number two…Husbandish thing and I give the 2 1/2 yr old and 18 month old a bath together tonight, and we did it together. I got our daughter out of the tub, dried her hair and dressed her for bed as he got the little guy out of the tub and dried him off with a towel. Now, all of a sudden, the little guy looks towards his dad and sister and pees on my shoe (and the rug). Hmmmmmm….Oedipus, anyone???

For future reference, ACTUALLY peeing on something isn’t a good way for male humans to mark their territory. I was mortified, rather aggravated, and then had to do extra laundry. A nicely written card or gift certificate  would have been a better choice.

…before we change format/topics… There are very few people out there anymore who care about others more or at least equal to how much they care about themselves. My friend with the creatively dressed Dalmations was one of them, though. He was a wonderful and amazing person and taught me a lot about how I wanted to live my life. I now have four kids, 5 if you include the husband (like person), and I am struggling every day to show them that other people have feelings and matter, too. (Part of my problem is a domineering, narcissistic 2 year old). Anyway, there is in reality a huge difference between people who care and those that don’t. I shall mention Oprah, Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elton John, etc as people who care. The level of antipathy at the most “regional” zones is crazy, but isn’t it funny when you see the ones with the most giving back? Do you know why? They have the ability to relate to people and understand how truly gifted they (Oprah, for example) are…and they want to share their gift, not to “take someone else out” but to raise someone up. Some people are taught “their shit doesn’t stink,” others are taught they “deserve something better,” and some are just taught nothing. I truly hope all of us, as parents, adults, people, HUMANS understand the power we have. The power of our words, our thoughts, our actions, our intentions.
The Arizona shooting vs. Sarah Palin thing is a good example. Do I think Sarah Palin intended anyone to die from her verbose rhetoric? No, actually I don’t. But did she say how sorry she was her words may have incited a riot? NOpe. And words are so truly the most powerful thing you have. What if I spent all day telling my kids they were “stupid,” or “pieces of shit?” Would they be motivated to do better in school, or would they just decide they were stupid” and give up? Words. How powerful are words?!?! I love you, I hate you, I want you, please hold me, Watch me jump, mommy, you are so smart, can I have a hug from you? Watch this, hold me tighter, see what I can do? You are so smart, you are trying so hard, you are so creative. Ahhh, words…
People, hopefully not my kids, arent taught anymore how to take responsibility for their actions and then move forward. “I am sorry I stepped on your toe. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry i just ran into your living room with my 18wheeler. I shouldn’t have disobeyed. I am sorry I yelled at you. I am sorry you didn’t get to go to the show. I am sorry you are sad. What can I do?”
Antipathy is truly ugly, in my opinion, the ugliest emotion. If you are happy, awesome; angry – not great; sad is painful; shameful is waaaaaayyyy sad; hopeful is incredible, excited is wonderful; lonely is regrettable; jealous blows; unappreciated really hurts; but these are all feelings. At least there is a “feeling” and an engagement in life, for better or worse. Joyful or painful, you are a part of what is going on. When you can look around and say, “I don’t care” and mean it? Antipathy – the lackof emotion at all – that is the worst.

…before we completely change format and direction. Can’t be 100% on new format and direction, my partner is a very hard person to nail down, as you can see. In fact, I don’t think you can see I have a partner, he is a bit absent:)
Anyway, a few things before we go “all funky:” First, boy children are very odd. At some point last night my son removed his diaper from underneath his blanket sleeper (which was still on him completely, but unzipped) and peed and pooed all over everything. By “everything” I mean everything, including the carpet beneath the crib (the boy has aim), his blanket, his animals, his bedtime book, a book used to prop his crib when he is congested…EVERYTHING. But, I didn’t find that until 8:30am. At 6:30am, I sliced my thumb open with a knife while cutting potatoes (which I HATE) for a meal I don’t like (pot roast) for a husband type person who wasn’t even here for the dinner. This on top of being up all night with a different child who has some issues that have been of great concern. Soooooooooo….cleaning poop and pee while trying to hold your profusely bleeding left thumb over your head (all before 8:45am) on threee hours of light sleep obviously makes for a great day!!! (This is why we are changing format. I am annoying myself) Oh, wait for it, though!!! So I was covered in pee and poop and blood (my own) and therefore removed my soiled clothing and began the walk downstairs when the door bell rang! (This is the best part!) The Jehovah’s witnesses will NEVER return to my house. Can you say “full frontal”?!?!? The expression on their faces was priceless. Still making me giggle.
So, tricky morning leads into a horrendous afternoon. I will spare details, but have to make this one point very clear…when you care about someone, you care about what is important to them. One of the kids had an odd fascination with bugs and wanted to keep them in her room. I am not a hater nor am I a big fan of bugs, but because it was important to her, I didn’t squish the suckers. I like football, but I would never walk out of a gathering because my team was losing (unless I was being harrassed incessantly, Driscoll). A friend who attended a party this past weekend at my house totally walked out when his team started losing. Do I get angry at that, or do I just feel sad for him that he lost a game he cared so much about (keep in mind he wasn’t playing)? People all care about different things and when you care about people, you care about their things. Some people are mortified when their grandmother passes away, some rejoice. Some people love cats, some hate them and love dogs. And even if your friends or the people you care about in life have interests or important things to them that you don’t like or understand, you care about those things FOR them.
Here is my perfect example: A dear friend of mine had two dalmations (who were INSANE) that he used to dress up. IN clothes. Tutus. Outfits. I was mortified. I mean, horrified. Dogs don’t wear clothes (especially Dalmations in Florida). But, he cared about their attire, I mean really, really cared. He passed in an unfortunate accident and afterwords, I found myself waking up at night wondering if the dogs were properly attired. This is a huge example from me because I truly believe, except for maybe in Alaska where snow shoes are required, dogs don’t need clothes.
I loved my friend dearly, and we didn’t agree on everything, but due to my deep love and respect for who he is/was and the role he had in my life, I honored him with several panic attacks in the middle of the night over what color tutu the puppies were wearing. And whether or not they matched.

Had an interesting conversation…who wants to work their ass off at a job where when they don’t get any respect, when they aren’t valued for their contributions? I know a guy who had an issue with a couple of co workers, and he went immediately from liking (not loving) his job to not being able to stand being in the building. I personally experienced working for someone who belittled and betrayed many of her coworkers/employees in such a way that these people went to work miserable, afraid, angry, hostile and therefore became very ineffective.
On the flip side, I have worked with/for some of the most encouraging, respectful, involved people on this planet, and have seen the difference this attitude can make! In fact, I just wrote a whole article about it, and (keep fingers crossed) hopefully it will be published. When hard work is valued, hard work is what is received. When value is given to the individual effort, effort is what is received. One of the hardest nights I have had at a job came when a friend died right before a work shift was about to start. I, personally, was mortified and devastated (and ended up screaming at someone that night, but that is another story). I was put in a situation where I had to finish my shift, deal with people and smile, and pretend like nothing happened. I was furious with my “boss” that night, but at the end of the night, with tears in his eyes, he thanked me profusely for having “done a good job, your job,” is what was said to me. And in that moment, it was (kind of) worth it. At least, the struggle I had been through the whole night was acknowledged and his apparent apathy at the news of our friend’s death was proven untrue in his tears.
Yes, the show must go on. Yes, people “trooper” through many things every day, things we can’t even begin to imagine. But, do we recognize those things when we see them? Are we grateful for what we have? Do we appreciate those that work with us, for us? Do we appreciate the people who support us? Are we grateful, aware of others?

I digress…three more topics in this blog alone 🙂

What an interesting topic!!! And, something I have been struggling with the past couple of years…I have always been a goal oriented person. I was taught from a very young age how to pick my goals, set them and then work towards each one of them everyday, in some way. And, I have always done that…even if it is something as silly as repeating them to myself twice before I fall asleep. I live, thrive on my goals. Which is now part of the reason I have the “heebie jeebies.”

I remember vividly telling someone who was struggling with the fact she felt she was never going to meet her goals that it was just time to change her goals. When she finished freaking out on me, I realized how very sad and frustrating it was for her to have spent a lifetime on these goals she had set for herself, yet it was likely unattainable. I felt her desperation, her loss, her anger, and therefore, promised myself I would rejoice when I could reach a goal, yet accept and move on when it wasn’t likely. I am in that situation now. I am on the precipice of “Do I keep working for my life long dreams?” or do I get a new goal/dream?

My goals, clear and set in my soul from the time I was very young, aren’t tangible, so to speak. I never set the goal of being a millionaire or driving a Benz or jumping out of a plane. I set different goals, and have worked, in some capacity, every day of my life to achieve them. They just happen to be long term, marathon (not sprint) type goals, so the results aspect isn’t necessarily clear. I have always “wanted” things: a convertible, a pool with a waterfall in my back yard, a big ol’ diamond on my finger, yearly tickets to the Super Bowl, my own plane and pilot at my beck and call, but none of those things were more important than my “intangible” goals.

Anyway, the cool thing I was put in the perfect situation to attain everything I ever wanted, it just so happens other people happen. “Other people” don’t always align with set goals. And, we come to the current dilemma…At what point do you decide to stick with something and at what point do you decide “Ah, fuck it, sister! Get a new goal! Get the Beamer convertible and drive your ass to somewhere warm! Toss the kids in a daycare and spend $30,000 on yourself! Don’t waste the best years of your life in the cold for NOTHING!”

So, as you can see, goals can be a tricky thing, especially when you have to give up on them. It can be hard – but totally doable – to set new and different goals. I am working on it now. Will have to let you know how it goes. 🙂

Feel like I should address this. In order to have a functional “blog,” I believe I am going to need some comments and responses. Appropriate ones, but comments and responses nonetheless. HINT, HINT.

I have a horrible case of the post holiday heebie jeebies combined with post holiday exhaustion. The heebie jeebie part is evident in my not being able to find something to do with myself. THere is plenty to do, it just doesn’t “appeal” to me right now. I really don’t want to take down the holiday decorations, it is like admitting defeat. I don’t know why for sure, but I just (to quote my kids) “don’t wanna.” The post holiday exhaustion/antipathy is evident in the fact I have had three perfectly good ass kicking opportunities, and I haven’t taken one of them. I have thought about it, but then said “Eh, not worth it.” Totally not my style, so something is up…My favorite gift of the season scared the crap out of the recipient, and then my other favorite gifts of the season didn’t work and have to be returned. I could quickly go down the “poor me route,” but “eh, not worth it.” My own blog entry is boring the crap out of me.

Where is the excitement??? Tried to get all worked about about Obama’s change of staff, but then I fell asleep. Got on my “soapbox” for about a second today, then got right back off it.

Oh, did perform a miracle today…made the kids perform with the most rudimentary table manners tonight. I have goals. I am working on them 🙂 At this rate, in 10 years, they will know not to speak of puke, poop, or other bodily functions at a dinner table and might even (dare I hope???) use a utensil to actually navigate food into their mouths rather than as a slingshot for food they don’t want to eat.

Any cures for the post – holiday “ickys”?

I am listening to my FAVORITE DJ – Ian in Club XL (106.7 Orlando)!!! LOVE this show! Had a ton of stuff to blog about, but must dance first…

I love the Christmas season! I am “the person” who has the tree up before Thanksgiving, the lights up outside, too! Now, I am not a lunatic, I don’t have all this done before Halloween, but usually the week before Thanksgiving…I love the lights, I love the vibe in the air, I love the holiday shows and commercials, I am a total sucker. I also hate the cold and “seasonal change of weather,” so the festivity of the holidays gets me through what otherwise might be a horrible melt down due to inability to wear shorts and tank tops over my bathing suit.
I enjoy the holiday season for many reasons, but a huge one being this is the time of year people who normally don’t think of others do try to think of others. Sometimes this thought comes in the form of a financial donation to a charity, maybe a bit of food donation, maybe the purchase of a toy for a needy child. In my home, those things happen year round. We started a tradition of having to make a gift for each of our family members. We have a big family, and lots of small children with short attention spans, so we draw names and, for example, this year my youngest child has to make a gift for his sister and his grandmother. He is 18 mos, so he will be making handprints on a canvas. My oldest daughter has to make gifts for her dad and grandfather. She spent today working on a gift for each of them, had a great time doing it, and really thought about what she was doing and why. So, today, I spent some time with my two oldest making gifts. It was so fun! WE talked about the people we were creating things for, we joked about stuff, we laughed, one of them fell off a stool, the other one dropped the roll of paper towels and laughed so hard food came out of her nose (kids LOVE that)…And, the whole time we were doing this, snow was falling outside. It was a beautiful, memorable moment I will always have. (And I usually HATE snow, because it comes with COLD.) Today was a beautiful, wonderful, heart warming day – even with wind chills of 0 degrees and not a drop of sun.
Tonight, I had one of my long term child hood dreams come true, too. Like many girls, I used to fantasize in my head about what it was going to be like when I was married and had kids. I always thought it was going to be this romantic, kids in bed, time for adults to talk, cuddle, hold each other, tell each other how special they are time…Uh huh. Not so much around here. Lots of “discussions,” huffy and demoralizing comments, laundry, dishes, crankiness, what is the ACTUAL norm, not a teenager’s fantasy for sure. We have four kids, two “other” parents, a dog, bills, neighbors, friends, family…YOu know what I mean. But tonight, I got to sit under the Christmas tree with “Shrek” on in the background and just look at the few (very few, we have a 2 1/2 yr old and an 18 month old) ornaments on the tree and smile, relax, and think…WAS SO AWESOME!!!!! Other people might dream of going to the Super Bowl, or drive a Bentley, or have millions of dollars, and those things are great. But not one of those things can warm a heart like mine was warmed today.

A great day.

(Don’t want to jinx it…so, let me add, I am grateful for the day I had today…even if it all came about because my husband had a, ummm, “Unchatergorized” dream….)

I am bored. Should be doing something…well, I am doing things, just boring things. Cooking dinner for tomorrow night’s birthday party (pulled pork), wrote Christmas/Holiday cards, waiting on the washing machine to finish so I can put the stuff in the dryer and go to bed. In the meantime, BOREDOM has set in.

Have a ton of creative ideas, but I have to stay downstairs and be quietish, as all others in the house are asleep.

Aaaarrrgh….

Have a funny, “Gift of the Magi” type story to tell my husband after the holidays.  But, I am pretty sure he checks my blog sometimes, so can’t share it now.

AAAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay, I will go internet shopping.  Oh, danger!